tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
