$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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