They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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