he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
