So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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