Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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