we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
