I wanna bring you to show and tell
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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