he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
