The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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