i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
