Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
