Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
