Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
