That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
