Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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