you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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