ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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