i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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