the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
