Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
