How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
