Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
