I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Redeem this text for a blowjob
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
