there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
