This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had sex on a roof
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
