omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
