The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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