I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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