i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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