So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
