I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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