He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
