i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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