we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
