WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
