Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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