I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize