My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize