I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then the night went full on bisexual.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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