the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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