I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
