So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize