So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So squirting runs in the family.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
