New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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