He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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