right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
