im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
