i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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