Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my liver is dry heaving
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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