but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
