Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
