I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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