I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
