I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Text me some of your sweat
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
