We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
