but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
