dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
