Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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