Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize