from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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