Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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