1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Bring me that man meat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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