why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
