This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
